Mary Bear

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 17:12:10 GMT

Holy moly. Has it really been over a year!? Let's recap. I had surgery on my knee back in Jan 08. The tumor grew back almost at the same place. My knee is fucken killing me at times. I need pyhsical therapy but I don't have insurance because I was laid off back in March. And of course I can't afford it out of my pocket. I've sent out my resume to numerous jobs but only one response to a recording company. I went back to school to get a web design degree. And now I'm thinking of actually going back to school on campus to study architecture but I'll be paying students loans for the rest of my life. My God I'm restless. And my 3 year old is so used to hanging around me. Not good. Some days I feel like I've been hit with a bag of motherfuckers. Like right now. Anyway, you can find me at those other stupid websites everyone is part of.

Twitter
MySpace

The following I talk about celebrities but if you're interested:
Blogspot
WordPress

I also have facebook.

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 23:17:30 GMT

I have a very important question. Where can I find my SSID? I wrote it down many years ago in a book which my 19 month old son just tore up that page. (Just that page!) So now I need it to connect my PS3. Help me?

I'm using windows XP and I don't log in as admin or user...

Haha okay nevermind. Hi.

bigcockking24 added you as a friend!

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 03:57:35 GMT

Okay who is Big Cock King? I haven't had an add on like this since Naked Parts. So come on Big cock show yourself.

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 01:21:01 GMT

I know ya sweatin' mah stache

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 23:38:18 GMT

It's been a week now and I'm miserable. I'm helpless and miserable. This bandage is fucking itchy. I stopped taking my painkillers because I would rather go through the pain than having to go through the side effects. My knee is pounding. I am just fucking miserable. I'm on crutches and I try to do as much as I can until something falls on the floor or my other leg cramps up because I'm depending on it too much. Jacob is so helpful, god bless my older son. My baby knows that I cannot pick him up :o( I hate this. Did I mention I've only taken one shower since then? Ugh.

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 03:32:40 GMT

so i'm on my pocket pc updating this stupid thing and in 7 hours in be having surgery to remove this tumor in my knee.

love you and miss you all
xoxo

fun with picture phone

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 02:41:58 GMT

clockwise: in the subway, outside my front door (last night), Jakob Dylan and the Wallflowers, Grand Central Station

me not using the picture phone

Fri, 18 May 2007 23:51:39 GMT

Jacob's Easter Eggs

Only because my car is hotness

My kitchen

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 06:31:20 GMT

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 15:52:43 GMT

I love how crazymessy my house gets.

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 23:57:41 GMT

My disability checks are all fucked up. Prudential fucked up my amounts for the last 5 weeks. I've been receiving 50 bucks a week. Even when I was 14 making minimum wage I was making more than that! I'm so broke that I'm forced to sell some of my miniatures on ebay sobs. I'm gonna sell one of my kids.

Anyway. Here's a picture for you that I took of Times Square.

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 00:01:53 GMT

7lbs. 13oz. 21inches

And his big brother Jacob...

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 01:08:45 GMT

Jacob took all these photos. He didn't know what to take pictures of. He finally decided the new lego set I just bought him.

Spongebob and Gary visit Squidworth and Patrick.

It says "I love my grandma"

And now it's time for his cars.

This is all on my mom's bed, by the way.

And now for the best part....

So here's the update. I'm still hanging out there. I want this baby already. I can't sleep. I don't want to eat anymore. I can't move. I can't sit. I can't stand. I can't do a lot of things. And I still get emotional.

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 22:37:58 GMT

I'm on maternity leave. I'm preparing a lot these days on the baby's room and getting everything together. I just had a baby shower last Friday and I got mostly everything I needed. I just need to buy a breast pump now. Haha. And you know the everyday needs, baby formula, diapers, bottles, and more clothes. I'll start buying formula and diapers by the bulk as soon as the baby comes. Have to find out what the baby prefers first.

I'm not really too fond of the 3-D sonograms. The baby looks all deformed in the 3Ds but I included them anyway. I really wanted to do a bump watch every month but everytime I ended up taking photos of myself, I feel so fat when I look at the pictures. I gained about 45 pounds and still growing. I'm uncomfortable most of the time. In the mornings I can't breathe and I toss and turn when I'm trying to sleep. This heat isn't helping me much either. Anyway, here they are the.....

two month:

three months

almost five months:

almost eight months:

oh and by the way. It's a boy!!

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 18:17:14 GMT

I think I stayed quiet for far too long in here. I mean it’s only fair since you’ve been lashing out in your own journal for the past few days. How insane you’ve become. Five posts within the last two days and all are about me. I’m that special and you’re that obsessed. How crazy does that sound that you said in each and every one of those posts that this is killing you and that you’ve been crying about this for days. And that you hate me. How psychotic does that make you sound? It’s only a game. Or maybe I'm the crazy one for not feeling empathetic.

What do we do? Do we continue on and pretend that it's not going to work between us? Do I pretend that I'm not happy? I'm sorry that you've done so much to make me happy. You bent over backwards to make me happy. I appreciate that. I really do but you and I both know this isn't going to work out, especially with how we've both been acting.

First time I’m saying this out loud for you to read/hear, you do realize we’re not dating in real life. We never did. So why does it feel like I’m breaking up with you? You know what? I am. I am breaking up with you. I needed to take a break for some time now. And if you haven’t noticed, it was to get away from you. As a matter of fact I told you that point blanc. I need some space from you. That’s what I said last week to you. You remember. Before all this, you called me almost everyday. We talked everyday on AIM. My time was growing thin online. I had things to do. In all honesty, I could find the time to be online if I wanted, but I didn’t. I was growing bored. Not with you but in general. But then things started to happen. You were pushing for me to be around. You snapped easily with the slightest of sign of a girl who might take him away. Everyday you seemed paranoid about something and it became really annoying. That’s when I told you I needed space from you. Your girls didn’t do anything wrong, it was you. It was all you. You knew something was wrong because you haven’t heard from me? Or because my guy wasn’t commenting? I have no clue, but I didn’t want to lie to you. I was thinking of things. That it was best(best for me) that they break up. They haven’t done so yet. He hasn’t said anything, but ever since then (two days ago to be exact) you’ve been flipping out. Why do you want to know so badly who he was talking to? Which reminds me in your post last night, you mentioned flirting and not talking. What makes you think he was flirting? There you go again jumping to conclusions and being paranoid. You’ve gone crazy and it makes me think more and more that I made the right decision. That this is for the best. I’m sorry, but I just can’t be with you like that. You’re scaring me the way you’re acting. It’s not wonder why I don’t want to be with you. Do you know how odd this all sounds? Like I said earlier, you do realize we’re not dating in real life, right?

I have a lot more things going on in my life besides this. I made a promise a long time ago that this game wasn’t going to take over my life like it did four years ago. I have people to look after besides myself. So excuse me for being a little selfish now when it comes to this because in the end all anyone else can say is, “this is just a game”.

As a friend once said, “I don’t live in this box”.

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 00:52:28 GMT

CONGRATULATE ME.

So it turns out I wasn't just gaining weight. Yup. I'm pregnant. More details later. Or not. :)

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 04:55:15 GMT

You know that feeling. That craving feeling. Stur stur stur. I'm getting all fucking itchy. And I'm rocking back and forth. Cause I want it. I need it. Please. And in between all this, you look for something else to do. God damn. Take my mind off of this shit long enough for the craving to fucking pass. And why does it feel so fucking cold all of a sudden?! Make them stop saying. Just one.

No. I will not fall.

I can't.

Mon, 26 Dec 2005 21:02:10 GMT

Hope everyone had a great holiday.

So I bought a house. A dollhouse. I'm building it as we speak. Anyway, my cat loves to perch herself in the master bedroom.

My poor little Gigi, she was stuck in her litter box last night because of stupid me. It's one of those enclosed litter boxes with a door and I put it on wrong. The door would only swing going in and she couldn't get out. So I guess you won't be hearing from in another six months. Miss you darlings. Happy new year!

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 07:34:24 GMT

Oh my. I just spent over 600 bucks tonight. 200 of it was thrown away at Scores. You know that strip club. Yea that one. This russian chick threw herself at me. Haha. I was trippin la de da.

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 01:57:20 GMT

It's time ya know. I threw my back out or something like that. I was in massive pain last night and today also. But today is worse than yesterday. And I don't think it's just throwing out my back. It's something else. I think I have a cold in my chest. I've got this tight feeling right above my stomach and it's squeezing all the fucking life out of me.

Jacob lost a tooth last night. His dad pulled it right out. Ha. I was in the next room hearing everything. I didn't want to witness the struggle and the torture?

I'm thinking of quiting my job.

Now before you start giving me lectures I'm back with Lou. He is back and living with me again. Someone asked me if I'm "into" him this time. And I can honestly say that I am. It's been real good lately. We're even talking about having another child.

We're planning on buying a house.

Jacob's skin got better then it got worse then it got better now it's worse. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so helpless.

Jacob records every Family Guy and Drake and Josh episode on our staelite recorder. He's hilarious. He keeps rewinding the funny parts.

That's all I've got. Oh and I"m loving my GTO. Once a upon a time, I was driving by some car show on the street. All classic cars from the 60's. When I was driving by the guys were eye-ing my car. Mhmmmm...I love my bitch.

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 02:37:59 GMT

I was watching Super Size It for the first time and I lost interest. I mean it was interesting but I just didn't want to watch the rest of it. Someone tell me how it ends. And don't tell me he dies. >:O

Um...something happened to Jacob yesterday in the pool that got my heart beating and I saved him. I jumped in, with my clothes on and saved him. I'm not getting into speicifcs because the nightmare is still in my head. My little baby is scared of the water now.

I hate my satelite company. I can't even watch a Yankess game cause it's blocked out in my area.

I don't know. I'm tired of a lot of shit. I think I see lightning. And hear thunder. So that means I must be going soon.

So yea, there you have it. I'm out of it.

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 23:21:33 GMT

hi!

Mary is here! And has a favor to ask! Does someone out there has some sort of job in broadcasting and in the media, possibly press? And could possibly get an account in one of those press sites(ie.filmmagic)? I feel weird asking this. But I'm deseprate?

I'm also trying to think of ways to get my hands on about 1,700 bucks to get my car back. But I won't ask anyone here. It's a long story. And I don't want to relive it.

hi Kevin!

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 00:41:47 GMT

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 01:58:39 GMT

That's not exactly my car. I'll take pictures if I can. She's a 2004 GT0 - What a headache to get this car. I'll trim down the story for you to not stress you with so much details. I've went to five car dealers in the past week. From Honda to Ford and three other Pontiac dealers. Honda was pushing a car on me. I wanted a Maxima while they kept trying to sell me an Acura TL. Ford Mustang....too much money. I test drove the 2004 GTO in this one Pontiac dealership and I fell in love. Black with black interior. 5.7 L 8 Cylinder. That's about 350 HP? I think. Let's just say, I got a good deal because one of their fucking saleperson from the dealership backed up into my PARKED car while I was inside it. MY CAR THAT I WAS TRADING IN FOR A DEPOSIT.

So I have a muscle car. Lovely, isn't she? She needs some more rumble. I'm looking for a good Flowmaster exhaust and not for 700 bucks. Thanks.

I'm driving out to Boston the end of the month just to see the Wallflowers at Earthfest. I must be insane.

At first I gave myself til the end of the summer for these plans I'm brewing up for myself for the future. But now that I'm researching more it might take longer. No. I still give msyself til the end of the summer. August 1st 2005 to at least get some documents. That's a declaration. Ask me what I'm doing when that day comes.

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 01:28:04 GMT

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU AND FUCK BEING PERFECT.I am not made of all gold and silver polished to your liking. FUCK YOU FOR TRYING TO RULE THE WORLD. I'm wrong and you're right end of story. I'm tired of it all. Leave me be as perfectly flawless..